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How Do You Introduce BDSM Into Your Relationship?

  • 2 min read

Many people are into BDSM, but bringing it up to a partner can be quite intimidating. Because BDSM encompasses so many activities–from spanking to knifeplay–it's often helpful to be specific when bringing up the idea of BDSM to a partner. After all, you might want to try a little light bondage, but their mind might go to something much more extreme, which scares them off from the idea. Although you don't necessarily have to avoid using the term "BDSM," make sure you describe exactly what it is that you're interested in. So if you want to add a blindfold, colar, or ball gag during regular sex, let your partner know. Start with a tickler, or a blindfold, its the least intimidating and you might even start off with some laughter to ease the stress or tension. 

It can also be helpful to describe to your partner why these activities are appealing to you. Perhaps you think that you'll feel a sense of freedom when bound by a spreader bar or bondage tape. Or you might be on the other side and want to show your partner how much you care by carefully applying hand/ankle cuffs or tying delicate knots with rope. BDSM can be a way to explore new levels of intimacy with your partner, and that might set their mind at ease if they have any apprehensions about the whole thing.

Aside from what you say, when you approach the topic is also important. You might be able to bring out a whip when you're in the mood if you're confident that your partner is into the idea, but that's not always a good idea. Furthermore, discussing what you want to do immediately after sex can make it seem as though you are unsatisfied with your sex life. Because these conversations can be tense, it's important to approach them in low-pressure situations, not when someone is tired, unhappy, or otherwise preoccupied. However, that doesn't mean that these conversations you to be super serious or even in-depth. You can broach the topic while watching TV or making or eating dinner. Be wary of bringing up how you want to use a flogger or pinwheel when in the car, however, that can make your partner feel trapped.

When you bring up the idea of BDSM, do so, assuming that it will go well. If you assume that your partner won't be receptive or will judge you for wanting to try something such as a crop or a paddle, the words you choose and the tone you use can turn negative or defensive, often leading to the type of conversation you'd hoped to avoid in the first place.

You might be surprised how open your partner is to the idea of BDSM and soon find yourself shopping for bed restraints or a BDSM set and getting excited as you do! Kickstart your BDSM journey with us today with these adventurous yet non-intimidating BDSM set for anyone!

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